Beyond The Pale

‘War’s not going very well you know’
‘Oh, my God sir’
‘We’re two down and the ball’s in the enemy court. War’s a psychological thing, Perkins, rather like a game of football. You know how in a game of football 10 men often play better than 11?’
‘Yes sir’
‘Perkins, we’re asking you to be that one man. I want you to lay down your life Perkins. We need a futile gesture at this stage. It’ll raise the whole tone of the war. Get up in a crate Perkins’
‘Sir’
‘Pop over to Breman Perkins’
‘Sir’
‘Take a shufty’
‘Sir’
‘Don’t come back’
‘Goodbye Perkins. God I wish I were going too’
‘Goodbye sir. Or is it au revoir?’
‘No Perkins’

Or to update, and with apologies to Beyond The Fringe, the season needs a futile gesture. Just bought a ticket for the Sheffield Wednesday game.